"You May Not Talk to Your Mother Like That"

It’s taken me almost forty years to understand what my father meant when he told me this. We were in East Africa on a photo safari. It was 1969. I was 28, Marian 26, Mother 56, Dad 63. Marian and I remember two different accounts of how this all happened. However, what we both agree upon is that I had gotten angry with my mother, and told her so in not a nice way.

The next day, Dad took me aside. While we walked along, he made it clear I was never to speak to my mother like I had. It was unacceptable.

At the time, and whenever I would recall that incident, I always defined it as my father not wanting me to express any anger toward Mom – that you just didn’t articulate those feelings. Somehow, I also translated it into his saying I should never be angry at my mother.

What I now realize is that his admonition was mainly aimed at my tone of voice and the words I used in expressing them to Mom. That’s what was inappropriate. You just shouldn’t talk to your mother that way.