Would You Like Cream with Your Coffee?

At one of my usual restaurants, the waitperson (we shall call her Shirley) asked what I wanted to drink.

Bud: “Coffee.”

Shirley: “Would you like cream with that?”

Bud: No, may I please have some skim milk or two-percent to put in it?”

Shirley: “All we have is whole milk. Will that do?”

Bud: “No, thank you. I’ll drink it black.”

Shirley: “I could bring you some half-and-half.”

Bud: “Wait a minute. That’s part cream, has higher butter fat than whole milk. I was looking for low or no fat.”

Shirley: “Well, some people like half-and-half with their coffee. And I’m a trained food professional and know about butter fat.”

I present this as a somewhat typical conversation with wait staff regarding my request for skim milk or two-percent, if they don’t have skim. Most don’t profess to be trained food professionals, though. Let’s see, my Google search shows half-and-half to be 10.5-18% fat as compared to 3.25% for whole milk. And if I ask for skim milk (zero fat), why would you ask me if I want half-and-half? Well, it is lower than 18-30% fat in light coffee cream.