Four Doctor Stories
1. The Finger
Up until about age 40, my internist was a family friend and wonderful doctor who made house calls even when others had given that up. One day I was in for an annual physical. We got to the part where I had to drop my drawers and bend over. I said to him: “This is the part of the exam I really hate.” His response as he fitted a glove onto his right hand: “There are lots of people whose hand I won’t shake, but there is no one that I wouldn’t stick my finger up his ass.”
2. The Scalpel
We had all our children while I was in my 20s. In my early 30s, I decided to get a vasectomy. Also about that time, I had assumed the presidency of the Central Agency for Jewish Education and we were coordinating for the very first time the funding of orthodox, conservative, and reform education throughout the city. This was a big deal. The urologist who was going to do the surgery was an orthodox Jew and very involved in the orthodox day school movement.
I went through all the preparatory work for the vasectomy, was told to disrobe from the waist down, climb onto the table, spread my legs, and put my feet in the metal stirrups. When all this had been accomplished, the doctor and a nurse entered the room. As he was about to start, scalpel in hand, he said: “So I understand you’re the new president of the Central Agency.” My response: “Herb, I’ll give you anything you want!”
3. A Cheeky Opinion
The left side of my face was swollen and hot. I went to an ENT for an examination. He probed and palpated. He looked up my nose, down my throat. Finally, he said: “I can’t find anything. But wait.” He opened the door to the examination room and hailed a colleague who was passing. “Frank,” he said, “would you please look at my patient.” Frank agreed and went through about the same exam that the first doctor had. When he was finished, Frank said: “Norm, I know you know what’s wrong with this guy and are trying to test me. But, frankly, I can’t find a thing.” To which Norm replied to me: “You see, you got a second opinion.”
4. Cold Fingers
Same doctor as the first story. I came into him one winter to complain that my fingers sometimes turned white at the tips when the weather was cold. It was like there was no blood going to them. He looked at my hands. Remember, now, he was a close friend of the family. I told him: “You know, Mom has the same thing.” He replied: “Well, you better ask her what’s wrong with you.”
Up until about age 40, my internist was a family friend and wonderful doctor who made house calls even when others had given that up. One day I was in for an annual physical. We got to the part where I had to drop my drawers and bend over. I said to him: “This is the part of the exam I really hate.” His response as he fitted a glove onto his right hand: “There are lots of people whose hand I won’t shake, but there is no one that I wouldn’t stick my finger up his ass.”
2. The Scalpel
We had all our children while I was in my 20s. In my early 30s, I decided to get a vasectomy. Also about that time, I had assumed the presidency of the Central Agency for Jewish Education and we were coordinating for the very first time the funding of orthodox, conservative, and reform education throughout the city. This was a big deal. The urologist who was going to do the surgery was an orthodox Jew and very involved in the orthodox day school movement.
I went through all the preparatory work for the vasectomy, was told to disrobe from the waist down, climb onto the table, spread my legs, and put my feet in the metal stirrups. When all this had been accomplished, the doctor and a nurse entered the room. As he was about to start, scalpel in hand, he said: “So I understand you’re the new president of the Central Agency.” My response: “Herb, I’ll give you anything you want!”
3. A Cheeky Opinion
The left side of my face was swollen and hot. I went to an ENT for an examination. He probed and palpated. He looked up my nose, down my throat. Finally, he said: “I can’t find anything. But wait.” He opened the door to the examination room and hailed a colleague who was passing. “Frank,” he said, “would you please look at my patient.” Frank agreed and went through about the same exam that the first doctor had. When he was finished, Frank said: “Norm, I know you know what’s wrong with this guy and are trying to test me. But, frankly, I can’t find a thing.” To which Norm replied to me: “You see, you got a second opinion.”
4. Cold Fingers
Same doctor as the first story. I came into him one winter to complain that my fingers sometimes turned white at the tips when the weather was cold. It was like there was no blood going to them. He looked at my hands. Remember, now, he was a close friend of the family. I told him: “You know, Mom has the same thing.” He replied: “Well, you better ask her what’s wrong with you.”
posted by Bud Hirsch at 8:33 PM
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