Fat-Free Half and Half

It’s progress.
Things change.
You cannot expect land
to stay woods, fields
forever.

Don’t think of

cool shade trees cut down,
clapboard houses, barns
gutted, leveled.

multi-colored retail signs,
restaurant exhaust,
asphalt parking lots, traffic.

the common
good, more taxes,
property’s best use.

Keep a picture from now
tucked away in a special
part of your mind to revisit

It will look
just fine, you won’t
even notice it

in a decade.

Is This Something I Really Want?

The title on the email is “Make your dick an anaconda.” I have received one of these messages each of the last three days. Others offer “better stamina and control,” something one can think about in a positive vein, but turning part of my body into a very large water snake?

A fast search of the Internet shows:

“The Anaconda is considered the biggest snake in the world. These snakes may reach lengths of over 29 feet. The Anaconda can weigh 550 pounds or more, but will usually top out at a few hundred pounds. These snakes can measure more than 12 inches in diameter.

“The extremely muscular Anaconda is a constrictor and is not poisonous; however, it still has teeth and powerful jaws that it utilizes to clench onto its prey. It grabs its victim and pulls it underwater, drowning the prey.”

So, is this something I really want? Better still, is this something my wife would really want? Guess I should ask.

Zzzzzzap

We bought a microwave today. You have to understand that we have not had a microwave for over 20 years. This is no mundane purchase. No, it's a BFD. Knew you'd want to know.

Mac Maul

This is one of those customer disservice rants. I am in the market for a new Mac laptop. In looking over prices, it seemed to me the best deal was from MacMaul where I could get a mail-in rebate and also not have to pay for the purchase for six months. So I went online and logged in and proceeded to put in all the information they needed. When I clicked the final “place the order” button, a message came back that the “pay later” option had been denied and I should choose another form of payment. I tried again. Same result.

So I called the 800 number and was connected to a MacMaul person in India or close thereby. I explained my problem, told the person that I had a stellar credit rating, and wondered how this could be remedied.

You know how you’re driving down the Interstate at 75 mph and a car passes you in a blur and goes out of sight ahead? Well, that was about the speed of this representative’s reply. I got him to slow down to just over the speed limit. I asked what could be done now. He said: “You will get a letter in 7 to 10 days telling you why you were denied.” I told him how I wanted to complete my purchase now and did not want to use “another form of payment,” but wanted the delayed payment option. Again he told me about the letter in 7 to 10 days. “So,” I said, “there is nothing you can do to let me make a purchase now? I don’t want to wait 7 to 10 days.” He paused and told me he would be right back. The line went dead.

I called back. I got another person. I explained my problem. He told me he couldn’t handle it and would turn me over to someone in sales. I was put on hold and listened to music for 10 minutes. I hung up.

Later in the same day, I went back online, logged in, went to my shopping basket, checked out, opted for the delayed payment, and it all went through like clockwork. Well, at least I don’t have to call the disservice line again, I hope.

Kurds in the Way

Before the U.S. invaded Iraq, I wrote the following poem, which seems relevant today even more so.

Kurds in the Way

It’s a heyday for retired colonels and generals
as each news broadcast strives to clarify what it can't,
postulates on what will, won't, might, could.
I am transfixed by what I hear and see, become
a junkie even before our incursion

begins. One of the third who don't see
any rationale or excuse for what comes
tomorrow, my voice is ignored, tread upon.
You can’t buy my acceptance,
acquiescence even, with a short, low-casualty
expedition. Take a manufactured country, neighbors

on all sides with designs on its territory,
ethnic groups. Stir it with fractured world
bodies, defense networks, friends-cum-
enemies. Add a dollop of destruction,
beneviolent occupation. Some of the chefs
lick the bowl. Don't slam the door
on the nuclear oven when you leave.

I don’t even want to think of writing a poem that deals with what’s going on now and the possibility of we might do in Iran.